This Time

I find myself faced this morning with the delightful prospect of not being able to leave the house for the next three hours - we're waiting for a delivery which must be signed for. What will I do with my time? I've been realizing recently that I have been allowing myself to feel guilty for the freedoms I have in life right now. It's subtle, but it's true. I think of my friends who spend the majority of their days teaching, working, going to school - this is what I'm used to and I've somehow guilt-tripped myself into thinking that I should still be doing those. In other words I have not fully and gracefully accepted the blessings of the life that I have been given for this season, however long it may be. There is not a need for me to work unless I want to, for the time being I do not have classes to attend, I don't have any students yet, nor do I have children to care for. My responsibilities are so few, my days so relaxed and easy compared to what they used to be and yet I have been putting the pressure of my old life on myself without need. This season will not last forever - in January I plan to finish up the classes I need for my associates, I'm looking forward to finding some students (I have one person interested as of last night!) and eventually I hope there will be some little ones around here (eventually meaning I'm hoping for sooner rather than later ;) ). And so I'll take my three hours this morning and use them to celebrate this time. This time of growth, of learning about myself and about the kind of family we hope to create, of healing from the past, of being inspired for the future.