I'm so excited that its that time of year again! Lindsey and I are really thankful for how much sun we get on our deck and have all kinds of plans for what we want to grow. Its been really enjoyable to picture together how we can create a beautiful, restful and functional environment in our little space :) For in my mind, beauty and function go hand in hand. Just because something serves a practical purpose is no reason why it should not be pretty as well, right? And so I decided that since I'm going to be watering plants so many months out of every year (I loooove having such a long growing season here in the south!) I might as well enjoy my tools for this task. Homegoods was more than obliging in helping me out with this dilemma ;)

Don't let the cat out of the bag!

Mei Mei's new favorite play toy has been the fun, crinkly grocery bag that was sitting in Katie's room. Apparently she woke up early one morning last week and decided it was a good time to play. It would seem, however, that she got tired in the middle of her plays and was discovered later, sound asleep in the bag!

A Surprise!

I received the most delightful surprise in the mail last week - it made my day!!! Thank you Cheri :) (And I wish you could all smell the candle - Dune Grass has quickly become my new favorite!)

"I received comfort then by looking at the stars...whose infinite depth hinted at a large magic in which the birth and death of humans were small things."

One of the librarians that Lindsey and I work with passed away quite unexpectedly this week and then this morning we found out that my Dad's mom died. It seems odd for there to be so much death in the midst of all the new life of spring. At the library one of the display tables has a picture of Joyce and patrons who knew her have been bringing in flowers and cards to add to the table. Many random people who never new her or who only recognized her by sight have stopped to read the obituary on the table as well and today I observed something that I know would have made Joyce smile. There was a father checking out the table trying to determine what it was about as his little son (maybe five years old) circled around and around the table trying to decide which of the flowers he thought smelled the best. Joyce loved flowers and animals and always had a smile for everyone, I can just picture her watching that little boy and enjoying his delight.

Brand New Day

One of my recent favorite songs has been Brand New Day by Joshua Radin and the words from the chorus seem perfect for this morning:

"Its a brand new day, the sun is shining, its a brand new day, for the first time in such a long, long time I know I'll be okay."

There's something about having a productive yet restful weekend, sorting through issues, gaining a new perspective on how to deal with conflicts, determining priorities and starting out the day bright and early with exercise and a healthy breakfast that makes the sun shine even when its not outside.

Welcome to a brand new Mon-day!

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The List

I think it has come as a surprise to some that I would even consider moving away from home. Having grown up being taught that, as a young lady, it was my place to live with my parents until I married, it was a big change to even become open to the idea of moving out. And while it has not been perfectly easy, I am so grateful that my parents have been able to see and eventually appreciate my reasons for this decision.

At first my thinking was merely along the lines of "Well, what if I never get married? Or what if I do, but its not for many more years? Do I want to just sit around and wait for Mr. Right to come along?" True, I'm working and teaching and going to school, that's not exactly sitting around waiting, but regardless of what came next in life I wanted to take some time for discovery. To discover what I believe and make it mine, to find out more of who God made me to be and to take time to nurture and develop that person. This seemed rather self-focused at first, but truly, this time of discovery will benefit all those around me in the future, no matter what the next season of life holds, whether that be marriage and a family, or an extended period of singleness. My passion in life is to take care of other people, whether through nurturing and "mothering" or by being a helping hand or a listening ear. And yet it has taken me this long to grasp the concept that the quality of my care of others is directly affected by how I am taking care of myself and receiving the care others offer me. It is like breathing. You can only breathe out to the extent that you have taken in a deep full breath of air. In and out, balance, both giving and receiving.

And so I am viewing this as a time of discovery, learning and growth. A time of preparation for whatever life brings next. I took some time a few nights ago to put this concept into a few concrete ideas, specific things I want to do during this time. Hopefully this will help make it a reality since I can easily look at my list and and determine small ways to make progress each day.

So here's what my list looks like:

~Pursue what I believe and how I want to live it out
~Build healthy habits (in eating, exercising etc)
~Determine what kind of family relationships I want to have and do my part to make that happen
~Invest time and emotional energy into the kind of relationship that Michael and I want to have
~Devote whatever is necessary in facing any old wounds and agreements that are brought up by this (a very Eldredge-ish thought if ever there was one)

This is a rather personal list, but I share it here because I want to share the real Katie with each of you. The results of living out this list may very possibly define a great deal of the next year of my life and I want to be able to share all of that here with you and for you all to be able to understand what it is rooted in.

Thank you to each of you for the many ways in which you have encouraged and inspired me in the years and months that I have known you all. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by such caring people!

Beauty

Beauty has seemed very close all day. Driving home tonight it was almost tangible; the sun had already set but the horizon was tinged with pink and shrouded in dusky purple. From the bare branches of the trees along side the road a flock of small birds took to the air, hundreds of tiny wings, black against the sky. Beauty. So close I could almost reach out and touch it.

And in a way I feel I have played a part in Beauty today, that it has been in me and I have been a part of its existence today. Physical loveliness is only one part of the expression of all that true Beauty is. And while I would not call myself beautiful today, I would describe my appearance and my frame of mind today (at least most of the day) as being graceful. A gracefulness that feels like it came to me this morning straight from the Beauty to which it belongs and which has been so near all day. Skirts speak to me of gracefulness these days and I have been wearing a long comfy jean skirt today with a purple shirt that has a slight turquoise shimmer to it and a gray sweater for the chilly spring evening. My steps were more gentle, my mind more focused, my heart more in tune.

May the grace of today flow into the peacefulness of this evening and may Beauty always be as real and as close as it has been throughout this day.

Pulse - evidence of a heart at work, an underlying rhythm, the core of life

my pulse: monitoring where my focus is, reminding myself in the hard times why it was that I wanted to move out, discovering a new daily rhythm, making conscious choices "large" and "small" that create my life, remaining open

Moving!!!

The fun began early Friday morning as Lindsey and I headed off to sign papers, get our keys and do a bit of cleaning, leaving Michael and James home to finish loading some boxes and pack Dad's SUV. Watching the two of them pack was rather comical, Michael apparently inherited his dad's packing abilities and there was not a square inch that was not utilized to the utmost of its potential. We brought tulips with us when we went to clean and they were the first thing to be brought in and set on the counter. I'm so glad to have a roommate who values making things feel homey and comfy too!

The guys moved all the heavy stuff, so why was I the one getting the back rub???
We got everything moved by late afternoon and then various family members and a few close friends came to celebrate and have pizza and brownies with us.

Saturday we (Michael, Lindsey and I) went to check out a chair from Craig's list to complete our living room. It barely fit in the jeep though and Lindsey had a really squished ride home but it was worth it, its exactly the kind of chair we'd been looking for.


It was a huge help having Michael here for the move :) We put the poor guy to work, moving boxes, arranging furniture, helping us get the internet set up, hanging stuff on walls, cooking, grocery shopping etc etc etc. Mostly though, it was a comfort to have him here. I had not fully realized that wherever he is feels like home. Now that he's gone back to Denver, it's starting to set in what a huge change this is. I'm hoping that getting my room arranged and getting into something of a routine will help, but for right now the honest truth is that, with as excited as I am to be here, change is hard and I feel a little lost in life.