This Time

I find myself faced this morning with the delightful prospect of not being able to leave the house for the next three hours - we're waiting for a delivery which must be signed for. What will I do with my time? I've been realizing recently that I have been allowing myself to feel guilty for the freedoms I have in life right now. It's subtle, but it's true. I think of my friends who spend the majority of their days teaching, working, going to school - this is what I'm used to and I've somehow guilt-tripped myself into thinking that I should still be doing those. In other words I have not fully and gracefully accepted the blessings of the life that I have been given for this season, however long it may be. There is not a need for me to work unless I want to, for the time being I do not have classes to attend, I don't have any students yet, nor do I have children to care for. My responsibilities are so few, my days so relaxed and easy compared to what they used to be and yet I have been putting the pressure of my old life on myself without need. This season will not last forever - in January I plan to finish up the classes I need for my associates, I'm looking forward to finding some students (I have one person interested as of last night!) and eventually I hope there will be some little ones around here (eventually meaning I'm hoping for sooner rather than later ;) ). And so I'll take my three hours this morning and use them to celebrate this time. This time of growth, of learning about myself and about the kind of family we hope to create, of healing from the past, of being inspired for the future.

Trees and the meanings thereof

Trees have always held a certain fascination for me, somewhat like Lucy in Narnia, and I sat down a few days ago to see if I could put into words the meaning that trees in general have for me. The words that came to mind were: growth, life, flourishing, gracefulness, strength, beauty. What a picture! This definitely represents who I want to be (flourishing, graceful, strong) as well as what I desire for my marriage and our family (that we would grow together, creating a beautiful life that will encourage and inspire those who witness it).

Since trees are somewhat of a theme for our wedding, this picture of what trees could mean inspired me to see what I could find on meanings of specific trees. However, I was wholly unprepared for the wealth of analogies I found...

Birch ~ growth, renewal, stability, adaptability. Birch trees are apparently highly adaptable and are able to withstand harsh conditions. They are often the first trees to begin to grow again after a forest fire, courageously taking root in new areas. Oh, I want to be like this as I move across the country, I want to grow and be adaptable. I want to draw strength and stability from God and from the precious relationships He's given me as I struggle adjust to a completely new environment.

Alder ~ strength. The description of this tree I found to be particularly fascinating. It provides such rich nutrients to the soil in which it is planted, that it has the ability to restore poor ground to a healthy Ph level! It tends to grow along streams and not only do its intricate roots provide a safe harbor for fish, its leaves also decompose easily in water, providing even more rich nutrients to its environment. This is a picture of what I hope our home will be. A safe haven for all who enter its doors, a place of refreshment and restoration.

Ash ~ connection. I don't think I've ever seen an ash tree (or if I have, I didn't know what I was looking at) but from what I read they are huge, both in height and in girth. Not surprisingly, they also have massive root systems. I love this image of being well rooted and staying grounded and connected. I have really been enjoying praying with and for Michael and I'm so looking forward to getting to do this together in person, every day, as we stay rooted in the true Source of our relationship.


And that's just a sampling of everything I read on trees! My brain is now over-run with ideas on how to remind myself of these lessons on a regular basis. Hopefully in a few weeks I'll be able to post pictures and share with you all about another tree project I've been working on. Stay tuned :)

Stability

For those of you on facebook, I'm sure you already guessed from my status that I got to go see Michael over the weekend. We both have some pretty important decisions to make in the next few weeks which will affect us both no matter what we decide so it was really helpful to be able to talk through some things in person rather than trying to figure it all out over the phone. While we had a great time together and got to do some really neat things up in MN, it was also a time of growth for both of us individually and together. I'm not sure any of the decisions are officially "made" but we have a clearer picture of where we want to go, the kind of life we want to create. This has made coming home very interesting, to be constantly faced with the realization of all the things that will be affected, all the change ahead in life, and I've realized this afternoon that it has me floundering to some degree.

Which brings me to some important questions: Where do I find my stability in life? Where have I been finding it and why is that not working for me? Where do I want to find it and how do I go about that?

I know that the next phase of life holds many adventures that I'm not sure I'm "ready" for yet and lots of lessons that can only be learned through difficult circumstances. This question of stability, though, seems like it will be key in what ever happens. So that's what I'm pondering today - not so much focusing on what decisions need to be made, but where will I find the stability that will allow me to move through change with grace and openness to whatever lessons come?

Music

I've been discovering recently how starved I am for music, more specifically starved for playing with other people, people at a similar "level" (duets of Lightly Row are great and everything but they leave a bit to be desired). Matthew was home the other day right between right between some of my lessons and we spontaneously ended up playing some of our old piano and violin pieces together. We rediscovered a Dvorak piece that had been an absolute favorite several years back and we happened to end with the last grand chord right as my student walked up the drive way. It was exhilarating!

Dawn and I have plans afoot to work up a concert together, most likely at the beginning of the fall. I'm really looking forward to this, partly as incentive to practice and perfect skills I've learned (particularly ones from Mrs. Gardner), and also because it will mean lots of practices together and opportunities to play! Do any of my violin friends out there have any suggestions for pieces to consider working up for this concert? (Cheri, I know you probably have some input... ;) I'm so jealous that you're getting to study with Katie G.H.!) Any Beethoven ideas would be especially great, I'm not sure what it is recently but I've been dying to play Beethoven!

Musings

"Don't let this throw you - things may not unfold the way you think they will when you're following god, but remember, He's after both our transformation and our joy." -John Eldredge

What is God teaching me through my present circumstances? How is He working toward my transformation?

*teaching me to be calm and collected and trusting under stress
*showing me who He created me to be and how that person fits into her surroundings
*reminding me that no matter how busy I am, I should always still make time for the simple joys of life like watching a sunset or working on a creative project