A Little Rant

So mom has apparently decided that since Cynthia is engaged, it's high time I was married off. She and dad have talked to me about five different guys this week, none of them guys they even know, and all brought up in a manner that took no consideration for where I am in life or whether this is even the time for me to be thinking about or pursuing marriage. You get the feeling they think "Well, Matthew is moving out in a few weeks, Cynthia is getting married in July, and James is either going to college or into the Army reserves this fall, what on earth are we going to do with Katie?" You think if I told them I'm planning on moving out some time later this year that they'd lay off the whole husband thing? Don't get me wrong, yes of course I'd love to find someone, but if I'm going to date a person (or court or whatever you prefer to call it), I'd prefer it be someone I know and am friends with, not some random guy my mom's friend picked out for me because he "has a good personality" (whatever that means). I have no problem meeting guys as friends but I'm not ready for marriage at this point and have no desire for my parents to be husband-hunting for me. Pray for my sanity; the next time my parents tell me "Oh you should have been here to meet the guy who installed the new stove, he was really nice and single..." I think I'm going to lose it with them.

Random

• I'm listening to...Revelations. I can't believe we're almost to the end of our New Testament class!
• I talk...in front of groups of people so much more easily than I used to
  
• I love...patio fireplaces and smores after supper (I also love paper plates on my night for dishes ;) )
• the number six is...smaller than the number of knitting projects I have started ;)
  
• I hate it when people...are too lazy to do anything other than watch tv
• love is...expressed so differently by everyone I know
  
• somewhere...Molly is most likely pursuing her new hobby of running around pulling papers and tissues out of trash cans and tearing them up all over the house
  
• I'll always...miss Gamma. I can't believe its been eight years since she died.
  
• my cell phone is...in the pocket of my hoodie waiting for a text message
• before I go to bed...I'm supposed to take some quiet time to write in my journal...
  
• when I wake up in the morning...I try to drag myself out of bed and do yoga because I know its the only way my back will feel well for the day
• right now I'm thinking about...why James was in such a wacky mood tonight :D
  
• today I...found the last piece of fabric I need to start working on my dress for my sister's wedding
• tonight I will...go through a stack of old papers and ponder who I used to be and how I have changed and why...
• tomorrow I will...survive being inside at work on a beautiful day and then give Emmett a bath (he's extremely dirty and can't wait to be bug and pollen-free)
• I really want to be...strong
  

more cute quotes...

"Nasya's violin bow has pink hair...did it come from a pony with a pink tail? Did they color it with marker?" ~Daniel W.

Daniel B. was talking to himself while putting his violin away today and I heard..."and the foul beast was dead when Daniel the violin player defeated him with his song..."

I've been gathering such adorable quotes from my kids at the school that I'm beginning to think about some scrapbook pages of them and their quotes at the end of the year ;) I can hardly believe I've only taught there for a seven months. It seems like I've always been there.

some lines from one of my new favorite songs...

Slow down, you crazy child
you're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart, tell me
why are you still so afraid?

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You'd better cool it off before you burn it out
You've got so much to do and
Only so many hours in a day.

Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true.

Slow down, you crazy child
and take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while
it's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two...

And that's just what I'm going to be doing this weekend. We were attempting to have one last family vacation before Cynthia moves half way across the country, but with everyone's crazy schedules the kids are just gonna meet our parents at our friend's beach house whenever we're free from work and school these next few days. I can only spare about 24 hours to be there, but I really don't mind driving there just for that. I think best when I'm driving a long ways by myself. Plus the idea of being able to travel so unencumbered for such a short period of time sounds delightfully appealing to me. What more do I need on the beach than my Bible, journal and drawing supplies? So yes, I'm taking the phone off the hook and disappearing for a bit, but feel free to text me ;)

April '08

Thinking Back

It's been three years today since we moved to this house. After having grown up in the same house for nearly my entire life, I never thought this would feel like home. I never thought I would feel so settled and safe in my room here. And yet its been such a blessing that it has felt this way because they've definitely been three of the most difficult years of my life. The summer after we moved here there were a lot of family issues going on that made life almost unbearable. We were rejected by our neighbors because we weren't "good enough Christians", my dad almost committed suicide, and there was a huge cloud of emotional and spiritual darkness over our house which remained for quite some time. The next spring and summer was a huge time of transition in my life, trying to figure out what I was going to do, and then that fall mom fell down the stairs and broke her femur. Most of her care and the housework fell entirely on me during those months while I watched my sister waltz off traveling and doing fun things with friends. Needless to say it was an extremely stressful time, so much so that those at the library who didn't even know me were concerned about me. And then it was only six months later that I was in the car accident and the results of that have drastically shaped the last year of my life, though all in good ways I believe. Its continued to be a year of turmoil in our family with my sister's secret engagement adding to the difficulty my parents have had adjusting to having only older children.

The fact that it's been almost exactly a year since the accident is making me see so very clearly who I was a year ago and I am now. It's not a change that I know how to describe yet, but it's amazing to see how God can take something that was so traumatizing and difficult to go through and use it to make me more of the person I was meant to be. And that's what's keeping me going right now, through all the uncertainty of what the future will hold, is knowing that God can take all the difficulties of the past three years and turn them into something beautiful.

Inwardly Renewed Day After Day

It's been really good to have some extra time this week since the kids I teach at Atlas are on spring break, I haven't felt as rushed as I normally am to get everything done, but the stress and problems within our family are really starting to get to me and wear me down. It's been very disheartening and discouraging. Thus when I was reading 2Cor. 4 this week, these were the verses that jumped out at me...

"We are hedged in, pressed on every side, troubled, but not crushed, we are perplexed and unable to find a way out, but not driven to despair...we do not become discouraged, utterly spiritless, exhausted and wearied out through fear. Though our outward man is progressively decaying and wasting away, yet our inner self is being progressively renewed day after day."

I'd like yall's thoughts though because I just don't really understand what he means...how is it that we are to be renewed inwardly? Is it as we pursue relationship with God that the troubling things will no longer be as overwhelming? Or does he mean something else?

I've hated seeing how all this stress is affecting me, almost as if it's stealing away little bits and pieces of me, and how it's affecting those who care about me, so this is really the biggest thing for me right now...actively figuring out what God wants me to do with all the stress/problems, rather than passively sitting back and trying to grin and bear it until it all passes.