So close, and yet so far

I allowed the picture to come into focus clearly tonight for the first time...the tiny little one sleeping on Michael's chest, my eyes, his ears, a tuft of dark hair, tiny fingers curled up on his chest, a small, contented yawn from a baby mouth. Its the most precious thing in my mind, so clear, as if I could reach out and gently rub the tiny back before slipping a pair of mama-knit socks on the adorably minuscule feet...and it makes me ache. I have always known I wanted my own little ones, mothering is my highest passion, and yet it was so indistinct. Something has shifted tonight - it can never again be so inspecific for my heart now feels as if it is missing a little someone I have never met.