What's on my heart tonight

"Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a different past."

This is honestly one of the most difficult views on forgiveness I've ever considered. It is easy to say you forgive someone, but to truly forgive them to the point that your heart echoes back the truth of this quote...wow, that's really something. I've been struggling with it a lot recently as I've been convicted of how much unforgiveness and anger and just plain irritation is constantly in my heart. That's not the kind of person I want to be, not the kind of heart I want to have and it bothers me. And yet even once you've made it past this hurdle of real, deep forgiveness, the battle is far from over. How do you treat those who have been the cause of so much pain and betrayal? What do you do with that? How do you find healing? My heart is heavy with these things tonight, praying for a way out.