The other side of this season

Some of you know that I've been going through a very difficult situation these past few weeks. Something so hard I never thought good things could come out of it. (My head kept telling me that it was possible, but my heart was hurting so much that it refused to believe it.) And yet here I am, not yet all the way through this situation and I'm already seeing so many ways that God has been at work.

The biggest of these is simply in the person He has been "growing me into" these last few months. There has been much subtle growth that I didn't even recognize until I was faced with this difficult circumstance and suddenly found myself responding completely differently than I know I would have in the past. It sounds almost pompous to say it, but I feel much more mature, much more of the woman I know God intends me to be.

As this struggle has brought me closer to God, one thing He has been teaching me is that I don't have to let circumstances completely run my life. In the past if I was facing something difficult it consumed my thoughts, drug me down and left me constantly stressed out. Since I'd always done this it just seemed normal, I don't think it ever occurred to me that maybe that wasn't the best way to "deal" with difficulties. It was almost as if I thought that if I stressed about it enough that I would come up with the answer. And so I've been learning that it's okay to set things aside emotionally. Every time it tries to creep back in I remind myself, "Now is not the time to worry and fret over it" and then later (usually after I've calmed down, talked to God and gotten a fresh perspective), I go back and think about it some more, answer the email, make the phone call etc. It has had an amazing effect. There has been so much more peace as my heart has been able to rest without constantly being stressed out.

So beyond the pictures and chatty updates of the last post, this is the other side of this season. A time of hurt and difficulties, but also of tremendous growth.